"Going along with a partner insincerely just to avoid conflict is both undermining and cruel and erodes the last ties of trust and understanding." Dr. David Viscott
The most powerful thing we possess is our voices. Our voices share our joys and pains in the most remarkable, sweet, and sincere ways. Our voices remain powerful when spoken, written, or acted out. Indeed, think of your favorite song, poem, book, movie scene, inspirational speech, or warm embrace from another person. What do you hear and feel?
Words are so powerful we can't ignore their power when directed at us. They can make us feel warm and fuzzy inside or uncomfortable. Another person's warm or cold behavior is their voice in action. Some people think if they don't verbalize their feelings, they can conceal how they truly feel about you. Still, they accurately tell all you need to know and hear through their action.
Open and honest communication is not always accessible, especially when we want to protect ourselves and the feelings of others. For example, you have an agreement with someone that no longer reflects your needs and, by extension, their needs. So, one or both parties decide to suffer in silence because making a sacrifice becomes more important than their overall well-being.
Further, we shouldn't voluntarily or involuntarily subject ourselves to suffering simply because we overestimate the negative consequences of asserting ourselves through words and actions. When protecting our mental health and well-being becomes secondary, we leave ourselves in limbo. We may even find that the four horsemen dominate our relationship because we no longer have shared meaning.
We can update the agreement through communication, but we must be willing to speak openly and honestly. Still, few of us are eager to communicate; instead of saying how we feel, we lie by omitting what we think and feel.
When two people stop communicating to resolve an apparent conflict, "the alternative is to wonder in anger, sullen silence if the other person is holding you back," writes Dr. Viscott in his book How To Live With Another Person. No doubt, communication doesn't resolve every conflict perfectly, but at least it opens the door to decisions about the next steps.
Harness the strength in your voice. Don't play around with the gift that is your voice.
Empowering Minds. Inspiring Lives.